What is the Purpose and Role of a Prenuptial Agreement
In simple terms, a prenup is a method for protecting certain assets from a divorce or death settlement by essentially stating that what you entered the marriage with , belongs to you. You also have a chance to limit liability for debt brought into the marriage and clarify any financial expectations you may have of your spouse while married.
Be sure to research the purpose of a prenuptial agreement so you can explain it to your partner in a way that makes your motives clear and understandable. You can also reassure them that when a prenup is put to good use, it actually helps to save us both time, money, and aggravation during a divorce.
Identify the Optimal Moment
The decision of when to introduce a prenup is your choice, and while there are plenty of "wrong times," there are no absolute "right times." However, there are certainly times when it seems wiser to introduce the idea of a premarital agreement than others. A good general rule of thumb is to use your best judgment and be aware of the circumstances when you ask your attorney about timing. We suggested you wait to introduce the subject until you are somewhat far along in the engagement and you both have some vested interested to work with an attorney before you are married.
Let’s take a look at some realistic examples of "bad" times to discuss a prenup: Asking for a prenup while you are standing at the altar is almost always bad. To say the least, it will upset the event and could impact the legal effect of the agreement. You both have to be alert and aware, and usually the pressure of the moment will impede your exchange. The agreement may not be enforceable because if a third party is an intended beneficiary or has a vested interest, they may nullify the agreement. Additionally, at that point there is undue pressure on your fiancé and you to get it done because the event is already underway, making coercion of some sort likely. If there is someone else negatively impacted, they might have standing to invalidate the agreement.
Just like at the altar, asking for a prenup soon after the wedding is not only a bad idea, but it may reveal other issues in your new marriage. Unfortunately, these are some of the "real" circumstances that often require the timing of the discussions around a prenup to be pushed back….or never happen at all. However, this shouldn’t discourage a conversation. Lives are full of surprises, and circumstances that could change the landscape of your premarital agreement can arise at any time. It’s better to have it in place early rather than scrambling to prepare one after the fact.
Realistically, the most practical time to have this conversation with your partner would be sometime within the first year of your engagement.
Begin with a Positively Constructive Approach
An important part of introducing a prenuptial agreement to your partner is making sure that they don’t perceive it as an affront or as an expression of distrust. Here are some strategies for moving the discussion into positive territory: Emphasize how a prenup is for both of you. A prenuptial agreement should be framed as a mutual tool, similar to life insurance and health insurance. You both contribute to coverage that protects you both, and you share the benefit. Including this point will not only reassure your partner, but it’s a good idea in general that makes a prenup clear and understandable. Prepare well. Take the time to figure out how to approach the topic with your partner. You know your partner best and understand how to approach your partner in a way that works for both of you. A suggestion is to consider it your partner’s idea, so you can begin with, "Hey, I was reading about prenuptial agreements here and it looks like it could be good for us because…. What do you think?" The key to this approach is to make the conversation look organic, rather than forced.
Utilize Direct and Open Communication
What could be more important than getting married? After all, it is truly one of life’s greatest joys. However, with 50% of marriages ending in divorce… is it really that bad to put some thought into things before jumping in? Despite what I would consider the stigma placed on a prenuptial agreement, it is essentially just a planning tool that outlines a plan for a relationship’s success – before or after marriage. If you have never considered discussing a prenup with your partner before, it may come as a shock to him or her when you suddenly bring up the idea. So , tread lightly. Discuss with your spouse-to-be that you would like to be financially transparent and that you want to be open to discussing how finances will be handled, entering into your marriage, together. Simply listing these points can begin this open and honest dialogue. The idea is, for example, being open about your income; what careers each of you have or hope to have; your bank accounts; assets; debts; credit scores; inheritances; and what are non marital vs. marital assets, among many other things. Usually the best way to approach this is after you have had a pleasant evening together (such as after dinner) and are sitting down together with a glass of wine in hand. Choose your moment wisely.
Seek Counsel in a Collaborative Manner
Together with your partner, seek counsel about the prenup from a professional attorney. This will also ensure that your marriage will start off on the right foot, as both of you will have explored the legal ramifications of such an agreement in order to prevent disputes later down the line.
When individuals are working with lawyers, they can be notified of all the different aspects of the documents that they have signed. It will ensure that both parties aren’t surprised by the results of the prenup, and if either person isn’t comfortable with it initially, they can opt out.
In addition, if you’d like to go through a mediation session, an attorney can work with you to determine what the next steps should be.
Be Prepared for Emotional Responses
The conversations involved in talking about a "prenup" can spur emotional responses. Whether your partner is feeling satisfied or angry with the idea, having conversations built around unrealistic expectations can heighten any emotional response. It is often tempting to ignore the most difficult part of the conversation by releasing or sidelining unrealistic expectations. Being honest is incredibly important and should always be your goal . Your partner will respect your honesty; even if it temporarily enrages them. When confronted with anything they feel unprepared for, allow your partner some time to gather their thoughts before jumping into conversation. It is also important to allow for enough time in the situation. If you confront them at a bad time, the response is likely to be one of anger and frustration before it becomes more thoughtful.
